Reconciled..what?

I was a professing Christian for most of my life, then at 44, God actually made me one.

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit," Titus 3:4-5

Up till then I'd walked aisles and prayed the prayer several times over, and cried plenty sorry tears,  but my sorrow was never more than a worldly sorrow and my faith was in vain.  However I was sincere..really truly sincerely sincere!  Little did I comprehend the utter  impossibleness of "sincereing" my way to God or with Him in heaven.

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." "  John 14:6

I was a false convert.

The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:8

Married at 18, twin baby boys by 19, those early days were a blissful time. I loved being a mother and wife. Skipping by relatively normal kid-raising years, our boys were out of the house and were by all accounts happy, healthy young men on their way to productive lives of their own. Still youngish ourselves, husband and I were happily settled-in to the empty nester life. We had financial security, the home, the toys, and plenty of friends we shared this life with. It felt like we had "arrived", that is, if all there is to life is health, good times with family and friends, and collecting stuff....of course all this along side healthy doses of philanthropy and "good deeds". I was feeling pretty great about life, myself, and about my relationship to God at this point