Reconciled..what?

I was a professing Christian for most of my life, then at 44, God actually made me one.

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit," Titus 3:4-5

Up till then I'd walked aisles and prayed the prayer several times over, and cried plenty sorry tears,  but my sorrow was never more than a worldly sorrow and my faith was in vain.  However I was sincere..really truly sincerely sincere!  Little did I comprehend the utter  impossibleness of "sincereing" my way to God or with Him in heaven.

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." "  John 14:6

I was a false convert.

The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:8

Married at 18, twin baby boys by 19, those early days were a blissful time. I loved being a mother and wife. Skipping by relatively normal kid-raising years, our boys were out of the house and were by all accounts happy, healthy young men on their way to productive lives of their own. Still youngish ourselves, husband and I were happily settled-in to the empty nester life. We had financial security, the home, the toys, and plenty of friends we shared this life with. It felt like we had "arrived", that is, if all there is to life is health, good times with family and friends, and collecting stuff....of course all this along side healthy doses of philanthropy and "good deeds". I was feeling pretty great about life, myself, and about my relationship to God at this point

"Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed."  Romans 2:4-5

Then one day something was revealed that I'd never expected to hear - that one of our boys is homosexual.

Huh??

After the subsequent shock of that settled in my heart, I was resolved.. "Ok, then, my son is gay." Since my worldview had been (primarily) shaped by the world and not the Bible this was not a huge deal to me. Homosexuality had been pretty well normalized by the time I was in my 20's. I'd watched the documentaries and believed the stories these men and women had (still do), and was settled on the issue. Mostly..

Although I'd been calling myself a Christian and attended churches and bible studies over the years, the church and bible study part of Christianity kept getting in the way of pursuing the "fun stuff' so eventually church life (what there was of it) was phased-out all together. I still had vague recollections of Biblical principles, namely as to homosexuality, so I was spurred to find out what, exactly, was God's purpose in it?  Why were some people wired this way? I knew that God didn't make mistakes. So I went to my bible for the first time in many years to double check where He stood on the issue.

I did a word search on a bible site to help me find the pertinent verses on homosexuality. As I waded through the scriptures into the wee morning hours to investigate another persons sin,  I could sense something deep inside my own self was being awakened.  Since finding out about my son my head was in this very strange place, a weird sort of intermittent spin mode.  I needed sleep.

The next day I picked up a bible my parents had given us and began to read.  I was reading beyond the pertinent scriptures and pouring through whatever came before, after, and beyond. The context of the words were beginning to take shape deep inside, drawing me in to a place I'd never before comprehended. I began to break down and cry until I was sobbing.

God was revealing Himself to me through His word and by His Spirit and for the first time in my life I saw myself as God saw me and it wasn't pretty. At all.
  
God showed me His holiness and it wrecked me. In those moments I became so ashamed of myself and my sin that I was weeping uncontrollably.  The words "all those years I've wasted" repeating themselves over and over and over in my head and out my mouth.

"And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts!"  Isaiah 6:4-5

But soon came the Joy. As I realized what was happening to me my sorrow turned to Joy; "So this is what it means to be born-again!?!"

All that I once believed about God, Christianity, mankind, about all of life was completely wiped away and replaced by the true revelation of God's word and of His Son and I became "alive" for the first time in my life and I knew it. I knew God had just saved me! I knew that my standing with Him had just been made right. I knew I would have entered an eternity separated from God and in Hell had I died before that day. God turned my world right-side-up. That was the day God chose to change my life for real, forever, for eternity.

Such revelation does not come to a person naturally or from ones own mind, only the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit in the heart of a person explains what happened in me.

"For by grace you have been saved saved through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is the gift of God, not a result of works so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them"  Ephesians 2:8-10
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We love our son deeply and unconditionally. We do not pray for his sexual identity to change; we pray for his identity in Christ to change. This is a heart-change that only God can issue, just as He does in each of us individually, one soul at a time.

We are believing, trusting, and crying out to Jesus for our son's salvation.

"And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him"
1John 5:14-15

~ "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death...For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?...And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.......And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
~ Romans 8: 1-2; 24; 27-28

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